An Affirmation Of Sorts

Well, the New Year has begun. I can't believe how fast the past year flew by. And it's the time for resolutions... a time to look back on the past and also into the future and ask myself what changes I want or need to make the BEST of the New Year. I resolve to work on ME. Both inside and out. Making the most of who I am, believing in myself, appreciating the one I see in the mirror every day. The New Year will be a season of rebirth and celebration of life, love, peace and happiness.

Many years back, my Aunt gave me a plaque that hangs on my wall. I resolve to read it every day in hopes of seeing myself in a different light.

The Woman in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggles for self

And you think you are queen for a day,

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

and see what that woman will say.

For it isn't your father or mother or man in your life

Whose judgement upon you must pass,

The woman whose verdict counts most in your life

is the one staring back from the glass.

She's the woman who counts---never mind the rest

For she's with you clear up to the end.

And you've passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the woman in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life

And get pats on the back as you pass.

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the one in the glass.

~Anon. , Boston, Mass. ~

Relieved

Yes indeed I'm feeling so relieved that Christmas and the holidays are nearly over. I could not get into the Christmas spirit this year. I managed to get our tree inside the house decorated... all except the Angel that goes on top. It's still in a box somewhere up in the attic and we never did get back up there to rummage through the many boxes to find it. So needless to say it looked pretty, but definitely incomplete. And thats about all the decorating that I did. And there weren't alot of presents under the tree this year either. The boys made shopping for them a difficult task when they didn't have alot on their lists except of course for a few very expensive things. EVERYTHING has gotten so hi-tech. It's so hard to keep it all straight with so many different gaming systems, games that go with each one, ipods, electronic gadgets of all kinds. What happened to all the fun, simple games that we used to have as kids. All those that didn't take chargers, batteries and 1 inch thick operating and installation directions. No wonder so many people have resorted to buying gift cards for people. It's just craziness! But now that it's all said and done, I think that for the most part the boys had a pretty good Christmas. I know that I'll regret later not making it more memorable for them. They are growing up so fast. I wish I could just keep them my little boys forever. This world of ours they are forced to face every day, the challenges they have in store keep me holding my breathe in wonder of what the future holds for them.

We went to New Mexico and spent Christmas with my family though and had a very nice time. I so needed to see and spend time with my mom, dad and big sis. I have the BEST family and don't know what I would do without them. They always make me laugh with their silly antics and stories. I tried my best to remember some of them so that I can share them here later. Smiles, such great memories.

My Grandmother, my Dad's mom passed away a little over a week before Christmas. Perhaps thats why I was feeling a little blue and disheartened. She was a wonderful and very spiritual woman. Kind, loving and warm. She was no doubt a religious woman which at times irritated me to no end. Never failed you would begin visiting with her and she would begin preaching and quoting the bible. I would listen for as long as I could handle it but would sadly end up tuning her out. I know she meant well and I think she was very lonely and turned to the Gospel for peace and comfort. She lost her husband, my Grandfather... one very special man in 1979 of lung cancer. I was 13 when he passed and so often regret not having had the chance to have known him longer. If I could have had more time with him.... so many things I would have wanted to ask him and learn about him. But my Grandmother passed at the age of 87. She lost her will to live long ago and sadly was ready to die. Which I can see why. She was living in a nursing home and really had nothing there to live for. Her health began to deteriorate a few years ago. She made it clear long ago that if her health became bad that she did not want to be taken to a hospital or kept alive. That really makes me sad. I loved her alot and spent alot of time with her while I was growing up. She left me with alot of wonderful memories. So many of her spending time in her garden, tending to all of her beautiful roses and loving the outside and nature. I want to thank her for being a wonderful Grandmother to me. Her guidance instilled much of the peace and good sprit in me. I'll miss her dearly, but know that she is now completely at peace. I'm also very thankful that I (and the boys) took the time to go and visit here several months ago. Even though she didn't appear to know who we were. I'll never forget here beautiful, blue eyes. Bless her.

And soon, a New Year and a new journey will begin for each of us. For all of you, I wish you much love, peace and happiness. Until next time....
Brightest Blessings,

Just Peeking In

Looks around and dusts off the cobwebs that have begun to form around here. Thought I'd better take the time to stop in here and leave a lil update on whats been going on with me the past couple months. Just in case anyone was wondering. I have missed all my blogger buddies and see that I have ALOT of catching up to do! Especially with Tim, Michael and Buffalo. You guys truely are Certified Blogoholics! :o)

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking.... but the kicking part not so much. I've been moving kinda slow, but getting around pretty well. I was involved in a car accident a little over a month ago. A sixteen year old Highschool girl hit me from behind while I was stopped at a stop light on the way to pick my son up from school. She said, " I wasn't even paying attention". Nice huh? I think these kids shouldn't get their licenses until they are 18 in my honest opinion. Totalled our car. Pretty much turned the Accord into an Accordian. And of course my back and neck were hurt. I've been going to Physical Therapy three times a week trying to get relief from some of the pain. Sadly, we were forced to file a lawsuit for the accident since the Insurance Co. refuses to compensate us for the damages like they should. So we'll see how that goes. As well, I had foot surgery shortly after that to have a bone spur removed from the top of my foot. I had some bone and cartlidge floating around in there and it had to be removed. It went pretty well. Wasn't too bad at all and it's feeling better every day and hopefully will be good as new soon. I put that off way too long and I'm glad that I finally got it fixed. Gonna have to dust off all those sexy shoes I have in my closet that have been hiding too.

But this is why I've not been around here much. It really made me wish that I had a laptop so that I could have been kept up to speed with all of you. I've been doing lots of just laying around and, well enjoying the pain and muscle relaxors prescribed by the Doctors, smiles. So trying to blog would most likely have been a disaster in itself since i'm not very good at it to begin with.

And here it is, November... almost Thanksgiving and Christmas right around the corner. I can't believe how quickly the holiday's have rolled around again. Time to drag all the "stuff" down again from the attic and begin the yearly holiday decorating ritual. With little ones still at home it's something that must be done. I know if i didn't, I would regret it later on. As for shopping, well.... that shouldn't be too terribly difficult since funds are running low around here. We can never seem to get caught up. Being broke really sucks! I may soon find myself in the market for a job. I've not worked out of the home since the boys were born. Lord, it's been over 12 years and the thought of going back to work scares the crap outta me! Even though I know it will be a good thing for me to get out, meet new people, make new friends and earn my keep and feel a little independant. I don't know what I want to do. Well, i do... Something fun, I know that. I don't want to have a job that I dread going to everyday. I feel so outta the loop, feeling like I've been stuck inside of a shell for such a very long time. I need a little push and words of encouragement to help me along in this venture. So, we shall see. I get nervous and worry just thinking about it.

Other than that, life around here has been pretty mundane. I do what I do. Daily chores around the house, watching Nascar on the weekends (lol, sad I've become a nascar junkie), cheuffering the boys to school and all their school and other outside activities keeps me pretty busy. They are growing up so fast. Toooo fast. One 9 and the other 12. Boys! Never a dull moment in their waking hours. And they both enjoy their time on the computer playing an online game "Runescape" with the rest of their friends. So this also cuts into the time I'm able to spend online. And when I am online it's usually spent at PSPR. A PSP (thats Paint Shop Pro for those who don't know) Runboard Forum Group that I help Asst. Manage. I love the time that I get to spend there and the friends that I've made as well. I consider them my family. I really do love them all to pieces and I'm thankful to have found them to help keep me sane and creative too. Some of them are even opening their own sites here at Blogger which I think is very cool, yeahhhh! I wish them all the very best of luck. I find it amazing and very special all the online friends I've made. That includes all of YOU here at blogger too who I've come to know and love. I've not forgotten you. Never will. And I thank you for boosting my sprits, making me laugh and think and cry with your posts, be them serious or silly, on those crappy days when nothing seems to go right. I may not reply regularly, but I am still peeking in and trying my best to keep up reading.

So there you have it. Where I've been and basically what I've been doing. Take care and have a very Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving! Catcha later.
Love & Peace,

A Day To Remember

Can you believe that today marks the fifth anniversary of the horrific events that happened in the United States on September 11th, 2001? I hope you'll never forget. I know that I never will. It saddens me still deeply and I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to cope for those who lost their loved ones, family & friends. Peace be with you all on this day.

Brave and Free
By Julie Yahnke, age 11

September 11th, here we are again,
When we lost so many women and men.
The Twin Towers came crashing down,
and the crash was heard the world 'round.

Fire and ashes and broken lives,
The weapons they brought were box-cutters and knives.
They took airplanes into buildings and ground.
And the crashes were heard the world 'round.

We rose in great numbers to help and to cry.
Why, why, should so many die?
Yet we are stronger than they will ever be;
We are the home of the brave, and the land of the free.

For all our lifetime we will fight
For what is good and what is right;
Let the shouts of love for our country resound.
And let it be heard the world 'round.


This website, is a most powerful and beautiful reminder and I hope you'll take a moment to view it.

http://www.fdnylodd.com/BloodofHeroes.html

The Truth Be Told

I've spent alot of time thinking this past week about myself and this problem that I have. Not just one problem, but a number of them. It's really difficult for me to find the words, much less express them in writing when it comes to talking about me, things that I've experienced, not experienced, thoughts, feelings, dreams. Why?

For quite some time I've suffered feelings of worthlessness, low self esteem and not much in the way of self confidence. I struggle with believing in myself. It would be so nice to be able to remove some of the doubts that I have about myself, maybe change some of the things that are stopping me from making the most out of my life. I would much rather.... and find it much easier to give priority to other peoples needs and happiness.

Both my parents always instilled goodness in me. They always encouraged me and did their very best to lead me down the right path. I've always been a kind of quiet, shy person and never wanted to be put in the spotlight. I've always been more of a follower than a leader. Often times believing most anything someone would tell me. I guess I'm also a bit gullible. I've always had a tendancy to take things that were said to or about me to heart. Some of the things, most of the bad.... I have a difficult time letting go of. People, both children and adults can be so mean with their words. I beat myself up alot over things that have hurt me and wish that I could just let it go.

I've never been one to brag or be selfish or conceited because it never seemed like the right thing to do. Over time I suppose I've come to not like myself and believe that I don't deserve happiness in my life. Not such a good thing because my self esteem has suffered and my self worth has been forgotten. Now, I'm beginning to realize that first and foremost I need to learn to love, value, respect and take care of myself. Hopefully this will make me more responsible and more at peace with myself so that I can love and help others to the very best of my ability.

So I'm on a hunt... searching for that which I lost sight of, my worth, confidence and innate value. I know it's there, I just need to recover it. Wish me luck.

Peace & be well,

The History of Labor Day

When my 12 year old son asked me earlier in the day "What exactly is Labor Day"? I wasn't completly happy with the answer I had for him so took it upon myself to do a bit of google search to find out exactly how it came about and what it means. I know... I should remember this from school, so spank me! ;o) Of course two weeks into the the new school year, the boys are just happy to get a day out of school. And if you must know... It's true that mom is more excited about school starting back than they are.

Anyways, I just thought I'd share it with you what I learned about Labor Day.

Labor Day differs in every essential way from the other holidays of the year in any country," said Samuel Gompers, founder and longtime president of the American Federation of Labor. "All other holidays are in a more or less degree connected with conflicts and battles of man's prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day...is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race, or nation."

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.

The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882, in New York City, in accordance with the plans of the Central Labor Union. The Central Labor Union held its second Labor Day holiday just a year later, on September 5, 1883.

In 1884 the first Monday in September was selected as the holiday, as originally proposed, and the Central Labor Union urged similar organizations in other cities to follow the example of New York and celebrate a "workingmen's holiday" on that date. The idea spread with the growth of labor organizations, and in 1885 Labor Day was celebrated in many industrial centers of the country.

So... It is appropriate, therefore, that the nation pay tribute on Labor Day to the creator of so much of the nation's strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker.

To all of my wonderful, hardworking friends here and there that I've come to know and Love.....Take care and have fantastic, laid back and safe Labor Day weekend! You deserve it. :o)

The Sturgis Experience

Really hard to believe that Summer is almost over and the kids will be starting back to school next week. I've been kept busy though, so I can't complain about that.

It's been a few weeks now since I was last here and see that I've been instructed to post... so guess I'd better, huh?

Just arrived home a few days ago. We went to Sturgis, South Dakota (our third year now) for the 66th Annual Bike Rally. If you've never been, this place is legendary. And once again it was a great big party!

Alot of the bikers that go there ride their bikes and spend the week "roughing it". Not us. That's just not my idea of fun. It's about a 16 hour drive from where we live here in Oklahoma to Sturgis, so we trailer our bike and golf cart in our RV (toy hauler) travel trailer. The golf cart, new this year... we used to cruise around the campground & get silly. And I must must say that it gets reallllly crazy around there every night. Smiles, just imagine.

Our trip included the following Not-So-Good things:
- intermittant air conditioner not working in the truck on the way to Sturgis.
- a dead battery
- generator for the RV went on the fritz
- flat tire on the RV (blowout on the interstate) which ripped the fender off and twisted the hell out of it.
- me attempting to read the map and getting us lost a few times.
- another flat/blowout on the trailer on the interstate on the return home that caused even more damage.
- The price of Diesel gas averaged about $3.39 the entire trip, sighhhhhh.
-hubby got a speeding ticket on the way home
- i got a speeding ticket on the way to pick up the boys at my parents house.

Other than that.... we had a great time once we got there. Lots of sex, partying, and rock-n-roll! We went on a few great rides on the bike even though it was hotter than hell. At our RV campground, they had 4 concerts a day for 5 days that included: Sammy Hagar, Nickelback, Keith Urban, Big & Rich, REO Speedwagon, Steve Miller Band, Joe Cocker, Shooter Jennings, The Black Crowes, Foghat, .38 Special, Steppenwolf, CheapTrick, Live, Gin Blossoms, Georgia Satellites, Cross Canadian Ragweed, The Fabulous Thunderbirds and Gregg Rolie (Santana). Whew, i think i gottem all.
We didn't see them all since they started early in the afternoons when we were out riding, but we did get to see quite a few and that was awesome!

So yeah, we had a really good time. Much needed time away together. And there were 5 other couples there as well who we knew who camped around us. They all got plenty of pics. which I'm pretty positive that I would be very embarassed to share if I were to see them. Our camera had to be sent in Canon before we left to be fixed, sighs. But we did take our old camera so hopefully we'll get a few decent pics.

If you've never been, South Dakota really is beautiful country. And there's nothing like seeing hundereds and thousands of Harley Davidsons barreling through the ponderosa pine covered mountains and Black Hills. MT. Rushmore and Crazy Horse both continue to amaze me. And I can't forget to mention all the scantily clad women (and men) traipsing around everywhere. Ohhh, my... but thats another post! Another year gone by and I didn't get that tat or piercing I've been wanting. Guess I'm just too chicken even though I'm quite confident I would enjoy the pain. I also think it would be cool to get my own bike and learn to ride well enough to do the Sturgis thing on my riding my own. Perhaps, one of these days.

It always feel good to get back home though. I wish you all could have come along with and made it an even more memorable time. I've got lots of blogs to catch up on so guess I'd better get busy. Peace & be well my friends, until next time....